The Hard Life

I live the hard life daily. No, I do not put myself in the slums of Calcutta, nor do I live on US$1 per day. I make sure I wake up to a ice cold shower everyday, using a bar soap to lather, turning on the fan instead of the air-con. I chose it that way, I find comfort in the uncomfortable. So when life reduces me to the bare essentials, I can still find comfort and happiness there.

The Adventure continues hearing what raunchy things Rae has to say.

The Vase

Rae tells me that the vase should never be broken. Because it will never be as good as it was.

I agree.

The superglued and mended vase might appear totally like the original, but upon close inspection, hairline cracks still exist. It might be even physically stronger than the original, but the evidence of cracks still remain.

We agree to treat the vase with care, because we both know that this vase is too treasured to be broken. We also both agree that if the vase is about to topple and one party is shaking it a lil too much, the other one will rush in and and, together, save it from falling.

This is where team work becomes The Adventure.

d, depth of commitment.

dd/dt should always be positive, or at the very basal = 0. Here are some limit conditions to keep the equation d = Rt^2 + 5At + 3. Giving dd/dt = 2Rt + 5A

Since d is dependent on the 2 variables R and A, both R and A needs to be positive for dd/dt > 0.

For the above mentioned condition to be fulfilled, a common understanding needs to be established.
1. None of the 2 variables R and A shall, independently do anything to jeopardize the equation
 a.. If ever there were a scenario that R being positive would cause A to be negative and vice versa, either party would have to stop and reflect. And if it were in the minds of both variables to continue achieving dd/dt>=0, each variable would refrain from, or completely stop any action that would cause the negativity in the other party.

2. Both A and R needs to be frank with their own current feelings and insecurities when expressing them to each other. This will have to be sail despite any negativity that might be received upon verbalising.

3. Last of all, Put on Love.

The Sunday Rail Walk

I awake this early to catch a glimpse of that someone, off to the track we will go. The past month has been a fulfilling one, filled with gagging laughter and warm smiles. It has been nothing short of wonderful so far, I'd wish that it'll continue for as long as possible. On a sadder note, seeing my mama waste away mentally is the hardest thing to do. I dread the day when she doesn't recognise me anymore. Her eyes still lifely, her voice still chatty. I try my best to make her recall the things of the past, just to keep her going. I'm just happy enough to hear her talk, and to see her smile when i say something ridiculously funny. The adventure continues in the train to where Rae is.

It starts.

Reading the same line,
Even if we may be blind.
Hearing the same cleft,
Even if we may be deaf.

The New Start

I think I might have found the one,
Someone whom agreed to walk by my side,
Someone who doesn't mind my flaws and thriftiness,
Someone who I think might just weather the rain and shine.

Its you that I wake up to,
Its your laughter that I hear before I sleep.

Come what may, I said maybe in May.
Cuz in the last evening of May,
You agreed to walk beside,
Hand in hand as long as we both poissibly can.

The Good Times

The tide has changed, the time arranged. You sleep after my goodnight, and i rise with your laughter. Tis a weird arrangement, where all you do is laugh at my predicament. And strangely enough, it affects me positively. I concluded that we'll never get into a fight, cuz u know exactly when u'll lose but still maintain otherwise. I thinks its good that i can read you, sometimes like a book. But then again, there are some answers that are best left to be said by you, cuz i can only guess, but can never confirm. I think ur as unsure as i am about this, but at least we've decided to take on this story, a story with no plot.

Do I know me?

Sometimes i dunno what i'm doing. Sometimes i embark on a journey, not knowing where it leads to, not knowing how it'll turn out. U said it rightly, 'a story with no fixed plot'. That is what makes life exciting right? If we can look into the crystal ball, all mystery and suspense would be lost, wouldn't it? But when do u decide that the journey is for you? When do u decide that you're gonna stick with this particular journey no matter what happens? When will i settle, and reach a steady state. I agree with my father, everything is so fluid with me, nothing ever stays constant. I wonder if its a good trait. Definitely good for a floater, not so sure about a man to rely on. Was asked, 'do u need a gf now?' i guess i just need a good friend to grow old with. And here i am, telling a good friend of mine, about all my adventures in my love life. I wonder if she is the right one. Everything seems more or less right, more or less promising. But maybe never had the chance to consider cuz she has been attached all, and i just can't see both of us dating.

Baking vs Cooking

She likes baking, I like cooking. Could there be a possibility?

The Hosp

The accident and emergency dept in the hosp is the best place to be if u wanna learn about life. About how useless sons quarrel with their aged mother, and ask to let him die. About how families who only see each other during the new year, rally together in an instant when the matriarch falls. About how healthcare professionals give their all to serve others. I wonder when it's time for mama to go, will i suffer a loss. I guess trying to be there for her whenever i can helps. At least i can say, no regrets.

Afraid

I'm afraid of something. and it doesn't usually bother me. but it does now. maybe i've become so pre-occupied with my daily buzz that i need some inner quietness.

i don't wanna be like my parents

no i'm not rebellious or anything. my parents are really good people, just that i don't like the way they bring me up. i don't like how my mum uses negative motivation, like 'why can't u be like lan zhong zhen and score 100', when i scored 99. i dun like how praises are seldom given, even when  they are due. Thats y i grew up thinking i need only constructive criticism. i don't need praises either, i just need some support.
but here i am subconsciously doing the same thing to my sis. i'm ever discouraging to her, always picking on her bad habits, in a hope that she realises them and change for the better. i just remembered how it feels to be at the other end. i will not do it again. i will exude positivity.

The Adventure continues as i seek for my passion in life

Its hard to find someone with the same mindset

it really is. no one is as crazy, as spontaneous, as daring, as gutsy. nobody dares to be laughed/mocked. everybody is really taking the thought through and safe route. nobody dares to dream.

Looking back

Looking back in my life, i realise that maybe i've made some mistakes. i wonder why sometimes i just cannot stop thinking of those mistakes that i made. maybe its cuz i'm guilty. maybe cuz it'll always be a stain there, maybe cuz there will be someone that i will eventually have to confess everything to. i've learnt to keep secrets really well. like things i'll never tell a soul. only God will know.

I know i need to look forward, i know i need to look into the future, and to be prepared for a wave that will take me away from the fleet, that will set me apart. "be prepared" deborah says. its true.

The Adventure continues with The Adventurer deciding what will lie ahead.

I've Grown

After talking to jasmine last night, i realise that i have actually grown up. living away from home for 6 months really helped alot. oh and that past relationship helped too. i began to realise that i can better articulate how i see things and how to persuade jasmine that we shouldn't be carbon copies of our parents. and how there isn't a right answer to everything there is to answer. they are just different anwers, and none of them are right or wrong. its just a matter of preference.

I'm a changed person. I'm no longer so apprehensive about talking to strangers, i'm no longer keep everything to myself, i share my time with others, i take time to show people around. gone are the days when i "don't talk to strangers". in fact i want to talk to strangers.

The past 6 months saw me change, saw me grow. I take things easier now, back to the same principals that the old Jude has been abiding by. the same carefree fella who thinks his life is a joke. it still is.

The Adventure continues on an upcoming sailing trip.

Dreams

Maybe I should note down every interesting dream that involved me. It would be so interesting to re-read it again when the time comes.

A New Life

I tried to tidy up my room today, but I think its gonna turn out almost the same. It would be easier if I could just bear to dump things away, but sometimes I like to keep them for "future use". Kinda similar trait to my mama. I realised that I love to keep boxes, I have no idea why. Especially electronic related.

Came across some stuff which brought back memories. Realised that there are bits and pieces everywhere in my room. Gonna put them somewhere hidden.

The Europe Adventure Ends

In 24 hours i'll be home. Time really flies. I can almost remember how unprepared i was when i went to changi airport some 6 months ago, with all my bulky luggage and not knowing what to do with them. Now i'm returning home. This time i tried to make things different. I said my goodbyes, especially to K, making sure they were not hurried and brisk. Packed and cleaned my room in advance and tie up all the loose ends. Now as i'm having my favourite spag carborana at an italian restaurant, a treat i decided to let loose on myself, i begin to realise that i'll be home soon. I guess saying goodbye to sweden and to the new friends i made, is even harder than saying goodbye to singapore 6 months ago. This time, i'll never know when i'll be seeing the places and the people again. Maybe sometime in the future, maybe never. Its the uncertainty that makes the whole situation a lot worse. At least i made one promise. To see K again, no matter what. So it'll happen someday. The Adventure continues.

St Peter's Square

As i sit here at st peter's square, waiting for the lights to come on for my night shot, i can't help reflecting on all the travelling i've done so far. Has it in any way benefited me? Or have i something more to contribute to this world? After talking to andrew, a friend from uganda, i can get a sense of what poverty is. He says if i come to uganda, he'll borrow a friend's car and drive me around. Not in the city, but in his home town. Then i'll bee able to see the real africa. I know if i tell my parents about this adventure, i will get the same response as i always get. A strict 'NO! Are you out of your mind?' I met joe, an american who has been travelling alot in the middle east, writing short articles and taking stock pictures to fund his travel. He's been away from home for a year and a half. Would i want such a life? Would i want to be on my own, talking to no one, making hi-bye friends along the way? Am i a social creature or am i the jude of yesteryears, quiet, always observing, always watching. I had been targeted by 2 pickpockets today. But they failed. I must say they should be working as magicians instead. One was standing right in front of me, pretending to be very hot, made some eye contact, pretended to be off balanced. And when i look down on my bag which i was carrying in front of me, his bag mysteriously was on top of mine! I immediately tried to feel for my camera, which was the only thing important in my bag. It was there. And strangely enough, the two of them got off at the next stop. And when i looked at my bag, the top pouch was unzipped. Nothing was taken. I said a prayer to thank God.

Rome

I quite like travelling alone. There is no need to talk if i don't feel like talking. There is no one to answer to, no one to tell your whereabouts to. You go when you want, you stay when you feel like. You sit down at a chapel to pray for as long as you want to, you make last minute changes to your plan when you feel like it. Have a bad sore throat now, but at least its better than yesterday. Rome has a rustic charm to it, just the way i like it.